Decison Day and the second guessing

Friday May 7th
Decision Day on the future of the climb
I was awaked about 7 with the noise of the kitchen. I knew when I open my eyes I had no other choice but to go down so when Nima opened my tent I told him that I needed to go down. He wanted me to discuss with Jim and confirm our path. I chatted with Jim on other options but I knew in my heart, I had no other choice but to go down. The CLIMB WAS OVER FOR STEVE AND TEAM FOR EVEREST 2010.You could feel it in the tent when Nima was in there to make the judgment call with Jim and I, even though the group knew it already without understanding the conversation. Then they were scared to be around me and didn’t know what to say so the next 15 mins or so was very awkward.
Nawang, the only one who speaks good English, came up to talk for the group. He was a monk for 12 years and is a very soft spoken compassionate man. All he could do is hug me and tell me about his life of climbing Mt Everest. He started at 19 years old and it took him 6 times before he could summit. It was a nice feeling that almost made me cry as I know it was from his heart but he just didn’t know what to do in this situation. After this, it was time to move. Things had to get back down to base camp and I had a long day to get back to base comp back through the Ice Falls.
Ok enough of the soft stuff, Nima and I decided we needed to leave in the next 15 mins. This was around 9 am and with the heavy snow and me less than 100% we were planning on 6 hours where we had done it in less than 5 just a week ago.
We started walking to camp 1 and the weather was actually pretty good. A little hot with some sunshine but the fog was coming up from base camp which I thought would be good. We made it down to camp 1 in 1.5 hours and I still felt pretty good. We fought each other about crampons all the way down the mountain because I didn’t want to wear them due to the heavy snow. I knew at places it was a little more dangerous to be without them but the snow buildup would be time consuming along with fatiguing if we added this to the equations. I won the battle until we reached the last ladder before the Ice Falls. I was glad I did as the last 100 meters I walked with the crampons before we entered the Ice fall was pure hell with the snow build up but we had made it safely.
The first 2 places in the ice fall to me are the most dangerous. It is 3 vertical ladders hanging on the side of a mountain that has shifted several feet since this adventure has started. The ladders also were now about 10 feet below the top line of the wall. I have a picture but as usual it doesn’t show how I viewed it. I navigated the top to get on the ladder and made my way down it slowly. Finally I was at the bottom of the crevasse, now we had to go back up the other side with 3 different ladders. Now 1 hard one down and I more wall to scale down. This is another drop of some 100 foot down but without ladders. (I really don’t know which I prefer but I think without ladders is better) I made it down with a hitch and know I knew the worse was over. There was plenty more of downhill stuff to navigate but not the length of these too wall descents at 1 time.

We continued on and I felt pretty good but I also remembered that most of all of this section above the “football field” was all downhill so all I had to do is to hang on and point them down hill.
We had just called Jim and told them we had entered the “popcorn’ area and we should be down in about 2 hours. We continued to move pretty good when I came to a crevasse that was about 6 ft across and it struck me as being a little wide especially for Nima who is so short. Then a few more feet and I had another large one which was probably closer to 7 feet wide and I went on over because I had momentum but then I stopped Nima. The next step was about 14 feet down and the ladders were just hanging by the ropes. We had just had a collapse in the ice fall and we had entered the region. About that time Nima was yelling to me to clip into the safety rope and get back up the hill until we knew what was happening.
About that time Wally’s 3 Sherpa’s came upon us and wanted to take a look at what had happened. They clipped and took a look and we called the Ice Dr’s for their help.
During the next 1.5 hours, Nima and 1 of Wally’s guides tried to fine ways around this pass but found nothing. It was snowing, it was cold and it was getting late and the Ice Fall doctors were still an hour away from us so Nima took it upon himself to repel down to the area and retie the ladders well enough for us to get across. (This was a place of 4 ladders covering about 80 feet across various crevasses that had dropped about 14 feet from the original location. I have a picture) It was funny that Nima got in front of me and said let’s go and was moving quiet quickly. I later found out that this was because he didn’t want me to think about anything but following him so we could get out there without any issues. It really didn’t matter as I was cold, numb and tired due to sitting there 2 hours while we waited for it to be repaired and it was snowing like crazy. As I sat there I thought this was probably another sign for me to go home. We met the Ice Fall Dr’s about 30 mins later and Nima informed them to go up and repair the place as he had only done it temporarily to get past it. (Nice!!)
Now we were finally on our way home and we had called Wally to have the camp send us some lunch in the bottom of the falls. At about 30 mins from the end we were met by Tracy, Jetta and Dawa with drinks and grilled cheese sandwiches. This was very nice of them and it help ease the pain to the finish line.
This was the end of the day for me because I was finally out of the Ice falls and off that Mountain.
As we arrived home everyone was so nice and I just went to sit in the dining tent to talk to Jim. I was still struggling with the decisions that I had made earlier in the day and I just wanted confirmation that I had done the right thing and also for the right reasons. Climbing mountains are learning experiences and you have to be smarter and wiser every time you go up a mountain so I needed to discuss many issues with Jim. The People in the camp knew what was happening and was very accommodating to me with clean socks, new shoes, my jacket and all of this while this discussion plus a few personal phone calls to some of my friends and family.

We had dinner and I headed off to the tent for a nights’ sleep at a lower altitude and everyone had said how much better I already sounded vs that morning at 21000 ft.
The night would turn out to be another hard one as I began to question all the decision that I had made that morning as I was feeling better but at the end of the day it was still the right decision and one thing for sure the mountain is not going anywhere and I am so much smarter today than I was when I started this adventure 35 days ago. I have not giving up climbing I will just have to change some habits if I want to come back to Everest.